Intimacy with God: Chapter Two

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"Can you by searching find God? Can you know the Almighty to perfection? It is high as Heaven; what can you do? Deeper than Hell; what can you know?" -The book of Job

Faith is opening your heart to see, but when our hearts are clogged with distraction and insecurity, this "simple" act may elude us. In fact, one of the first things youÕll notice, when you begin to seek intimacy with God, is how great the distance seems between the two of you. We search for God and find first our own selfishness, laziness, and most of all helplessness. In our loud MTV culture of diversion, stilling your heart in prayer can be disturbingly quiet. When all the distractions are gone, you can begin to hear how loud the inner turmoil is - the unrest in your heart. Most of all you come to see how far away you are, and questions arise: What does it really mean to trust God? And how can we find God when our past ties us up with disappointments, guilt, and false hope?
Every one of us has been lost as a child. You no doubt remember frantically searching for your mother in a crowd; fearing you would never see her again. You look back and forth, your eyes racing across all the unfamiliar faces, but she's nowhere in sight. You brake into a run, but then realize you don't know which direction to go in. Today is no different. We are like a little child completely dependent on God, and totally lost on our own.
So how can we begin to bridge the gap? You know your need and your heart cries out to know God more, but sometimes it feels like you're just praying into the air. At times the silence is too much. You need distraction, something to fill your time and ease the pain. But you know that consoling with friends, or attempting to return to familiar times and things that have comforted you in the past would only result in temporarily avoiding the problem.
In times like these, we feel helplessly dependent, like a speck in a huge universe. This is good, because it means we are "becoming like little children." This is how we always are in God's eyes, and if we wish to enter into a deeper knowledge of God, the first step is to see ourselves realistically.

THE AMERICAN DREAM

We are limited and dependent, especially when it comes to our relationship with God. This is so painfully obvious that it begs the question: "when it's so self-evident, why are we filled with such anxiety about it?" Dependency threatens us. We feel the need to be secure and in control - in and of ourselves. A quick look around though will show that none of us are. We all have our little security blankets of romance, success, philanthropy, etc., but they only serve to cover up our actual condition.
As westerners though, and especially as Americans, from day one weÕve had it deeply ingrained into our minds that in order to have value as people we must be self-sufficient. This myth of American society praises self-reliance and independence; it tells us we can control our destiny, manage our time and money, and achieve our full potential - "If you just work hard enough." In our Americanized thinking, to purposely be dependent on someone else (even God), is a totally foreign concept to us. In this western paradigm, admitting that we need God so much would imply that we are pitiful and weak and therefore worthless.
This couldn't be farther from the truth. If God gave everything to save you, it naturally follows that you were worth it. Our value in God's eyes is not based on self-sufficiency, but on the fact that we belong to God. To understand this we must understand "worth" as God does. A parent doesn't love a child because they have "deserved" it. Worth or value in the context of a family is intrinsic. As part of God's family, you were created valuable, and don't need to "earn" God's love. In fact, there's absolutely nothing you can say or do to make God love you more. (This too is an area where we are dependent.) God doesnÕt love your potential, or Jesus in you - God loves you, and loves you unconditionally.
From the beginning, Adam and Eve were dependent on God. In Heaven, through all eternity, we will still be dependent on God. We were made to be so. Dependency is not a result of a fallen nature - the only thing fallen about it is our pride, refusing to own up to it, to admit our need - Dependency is our natural state. There's no need for it to buried and denied. This self-sufficiency so fruitlessly sought after doesn't exist. Our lives are always empty without God.

DEPENDENCY VS. DIGNITY

Once we have accepted our dependency it is not uncommon to hear theological statements like, "we can do nothing good" or "our love is meaningless". Taken at face value, this threatens our worth by calling our efforts worthless. It seems these two human traits are in conflict, so we must accept one and suppress the other. We suppress our dependency out of fear of worthlessness, and likewise, suppress our dignity out of fear that our ability and value might undermine God's necessity. In fact, we fear that if we acknowledge any value or competence in us, that we wont need God anymore.
Debasing ourselves, or downgrading our own love as worthless to bring God stolen glory is really not necessary. It's a fear that springs from a lack of faith - or better - a lack of understanding. We're afraid that God is not big enough, so we lie about ourselves, our value and our capability, in order to put God into a good light. The fact is though, even with all our ability and potential, we still won't put God out of a job. One result of this denial of dignity is the current wave of apathy and mediocrity in the church. Why bother to plan or practice when it all depends on the Holy Spirit anyway? If all our deeds are worthless, then we don't need to try. In this world of pre-chewed truth and paint by numbers creativity, there is no room for a Bach, Bonhoeffer, or for that matter, Jesus.
Our dignity and competence are just as God-given as our need for God. Dependency on God is not an excuse for us to throw off all responsibility, and become little shapeless worms for Jesus, singing: "God rules my life and then I don't have to think about it." This sounds much more like a candidate for cult membership, where the followers are controlled by their authoritarian leaders. A dependency on man, and not on God.
Here we begin to see where our fear of dependency comes from: Dependency on things (whether cult, or a multitude of other human crutches) does effect our dignity. It smothers and enslaves us, while dependency on God fulfills and expands us. Our fear comes from wrongly assuming that dependency on God is the same as dependency on things; but far from producing worms, or promoting escapism, dependency on God actually makes us truly secure and independent. Secure, because we find our place with God. Independent because we are freed from imbalanced dependencies, and are free again to enjoy these things in their proper healthy place in our lives. Thus with God we can have dependency with dignity.

IDOLATRY

Dependency on things can come in many forms: personal philosophy, your beliefs, morality, social comfort of a church, religious rituals and routines, spiritual gifts, fill in the blank - yet all have one factor in common: none of these security blankets can stretch far enough to cover our entire wide and complex lives. One day your world falls apart through divorce, cancer, a lay-off, and then, suddenly, your polite answers don't cut it. It's expecting God-like results from very human things.
Even friends and family are not a sufficient base. Not only will they at times let you down or not be there, but people were never meant to fulfill all our longings for unconditional love. To expect it from them is to expect the impossible. No matter how sincere and earnest, human love is still far too weak. Despite what all the schmaltzy love songs in the radio say, people were not meant to be God to you.
When our love runs out; when our illusion of moral perfection is shattered by uncovered pride, or lust, or whatever makes you stumble; when no one seems to be there for you; when our seemingly vast philosophy of life is in over its head; then it is painfully clear that we need to reach beyond our limits to God who is both inexhaustible and neverending.
Knowledge is fleeting, people come and go. God does not need to take any of these "foundations" away from us. They simply run down, fade away, go out of style, or move to another town all by themselves. Here today, gone tomorrow. If you build on them they will fail you. Unfortunately, most people need to learn this the hard way.
Contrary to popular "suffering saint" imagery, being dependent on God does not mean living in denial and want, stranded alone on an island like Robinson Crusoe - without friends, family or external support. God has placed all these beneficial things into our lives to be enjoyed. Rather, it simply means not making them into our final source, and thus expecting in a leechy codependent fashion more from these things then they were ever meant to give.
Dostoevsky said, "man cannot live without worshipping something." Because of our inherent need, we will inevitably attach ourselves to some security - success, family, religion, whatever it is, humans can not function without a "god." But when our God is real, this will result in a responsible, secure, independent, and intimate life. Not unlike the life of a certain defiant, bold, outspoken rebel from Nazareth who was completely dependent on his Father.
As we've seen in this and the previous chapter, great faith rests not so much in great confidence, as it does in great dependency; the emphasis being placed not on us, but on God. This truth is the foundation that undergirds every step of our relationship with God: The cornerstone to intimacy is dependency on God.

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